


A Burden Carried

by Elanshaw



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24673450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elanshaw/pseuds/Elanshaw
Summary: Hotch is reminded that dark times don't have to be faced alone.
Kudos: 22





	A Burden Carried

The clock on the wall was slipping wearily into 2:00 a.m. when Garcia stepped off the elevator and heard the first crash.

She had been on her way home from her theatre group's latest play rehearsal which had run ridiculously late, when she remembered that she had left her laptop at work in her rush to make the rehearsal time and she had promised a friend that she would put in some time on the online role playing game that they both loved.

Garcia sighed and headed for the office, she knew her friend would still be online playing even at this hour…and she _had_ promised.

_One hour, then I'm hitting the hay_ …she said to herself.

She was still at the office when the team had returned earlier that evening, tired, dragging themselves off the elevator; the huge case they had been working on for weeks finally solved. The unsub, a serial killer, had been caught; his last victim, his own wife who he had stabbed to death in front of their young son.

Hotch had praised everyone for their hard work and sent them home for some long deserved rest.

oooooo

At the sound of the crash, Garcia froze; the elevator doors sliding smoothly closed behind her.

Car keys still in hand she scanned the darkened bullpen looking for the source of the noise, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding when she found only darkened silence. Then suddenly she heard the crash once more and her eyes slid to the window of Hotch's office. The blinds were drawn, but a dull light coming from under the closed door caught her attention.

_She should have known…_

Hotch and paperwork was like a moth to a flame. It was in his nature and his job title; he couldn't **not** do his job. She had noticed earlier that he didn't get on the elevator with the rest of them, but had hoped her boss man wouldn't have stayed this late to get paperwork done. He was drained, she could see it in his face, in all her babies faces; the case had been a difficult one.

From where she stood, Garcia stared past the darkness of the bullpen to Hotch's door.

_Something was wrong…_

She took a step forward and then pulled back unsure of what to do.

Two days before while the team was entrenched in the case, was the first anniversary of Haley's death.

Morgan had called and told her they had suggested that Hotch step back, that they would continue on the case if he needed some time. Rossi in his patient but persuasive way had practically demanded it from the team leader, but in true Hotch fashion, he soldiered on saying he was fine, that the case was more important.

Hotch could fake "okayness" like no one's business, but Garcia could sense the tension in the elevator as its doors closed as everyone but Hotch, left for the evening.

The sound of the third crash followed by a shout got her feet moving and she soon found herself outside Hotch's door, her hand paused over the door knob, suddenly wondering if she should be calling security.

When the sound of soft sobs made their way to her ears, Garcia took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

oooooo

She froze, the door less than half open. Hotch's office was a mess, books strewn all over the floor, chairs and side tables over-turned. She slowly dropped her keys in her bag as she felt for her cellphone, fear taking hold on what she had come upon.

Another sob startled her out of her dark thoughts and she leaned forward peering around the door.

All the lights were off in Hotch's office, except for the only lamp left standing in the far corner of the room behind his desk. Hotch's back was to the door, he was leaning forward on his now cleared desk, the items all over the floor. One hand on the desk, his other covering his eyes as he softly cried; the lamp lighting his obvious pain in shuddering shadows.

Garcia's heart fell as she slowly moved into the room.

_Something was definitely wrong._

"Sir?" she whispered.

She heard Hotch gasp, his head shooting up and his hand wiping away the tears she had not seen but heard.

"Garcia." Her name was quietly wrapped in a tone of surprise and anger, with a tinge of sadness making its way through.

Unsure of what to do, Garcia didn't move.

"Sir, are you okay?" she tried to stay calm against the tension emanating off the man in front of her as he stood to his full height, his back still to her. She could tell he was trembling slightly as he struggled to erect a wall behind the emotions she had already witnessed.

"What are you still doing here?" his voice lost some of the sadness, the surprise and anger still lingering; he still hadn't turned around.

"I forgot my laptop..."

His head tilted slightly to the side as if pondering her words.

"Go home, get some rest." he said, an obvious order.

Garcia frowned, looking at the mess around her; her heart clenching at the sudden thought that clicked in her mind.

"Did something happen, sir? Is...Jack okay?"

The last three words came out in a tight whisper, her mouth barely able to form the words, afraid of the response she would get from the clearly emotional man in front of her.

Hotch spun around at those words, eyes flashing, his body stiff, hands clenched to fists.

"Go home, Garcia!" he shouted, immediately regretting his tone as the newly red-headed tech shrank away from him.

Hotch's face fell and he twitched, reaching out a hand. "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" he rubbed his forehead squeezing his eyes shut and with a weary sigh fell against the edge of his desk.

Garcia gulped, her heartbeat taking its precious time returning to normal, he had never yelled at her like that, honestly it was a little terrifying.

Making up her mind, she closed the door behind her and stepped forward, her heart reaching out to her boss man as his face crumbled into a mess of emotions.

She picked up a nearby chair and sat in it at arm's length from Hotch. She couldn't leave him, he definitely needed a friend at this moment, she wouldn't disappoint.

"I'm not going anywhere, sir." she whispered.

Silence followed for a few minutes, Garcia respectfully looking away giving Hotch time to collect himself.

Then…

"It's Jack…he misses his mom." Hotch whispered.

Garcia looked up at him. "The anniversary…"

Hotch nodded, his eyes far away in the bedroom of his little boy.

"I guess he sensed it. Jessica called…he had a nightmare. He woke up crying for Haley." Hotch rubbed a hand down his face, heavy eyes looking downward. He bent forward and started to pick up open files strewn on the floor.

Garcia stood up and followed suit, slowly starting to pick up items and placing them in their correct places, her eyes on her task, still giving Hotch a modicum of privacy.

"Sir, I can tidy up here if you want to…"

"Go home and comfort my son?" finished Hotch.

Garcia glanced at him as she slowly replaced one of the books in Hotch's bookcase.

"Yes." she replied, concerned at the sarcasm in his voice. "You're tired, it's been a long case, sir."

Hotch sighed and moved across the office replacing the cushions on his couch and righting an overturned lamp.

"It's late, Garcia." Hotch avoided looking at her as he continued to clean up.

"Sir…"

He continued to move around the room.

Garcia stepped towards him, her voice louder. "Hotch."

The Unit Chief slowly finished righting a side table and turned to her, his anguish plain to see.

“What can I do?!” he blurted out. "Tell him everything will be okay? That his mom will come back to him?" Hotch's voice ached with a sorrow that almost suffocated the tech's heart.

"How can I comfort him when he's missing her or having a nightmare and I'm never there?" Hotch moved over to the couch and sat down heavily.

Garcia shelved the last of the books ignoring the rest of the mess and slowly moved over to the couch giving her boss a little space as she sat down near him.

"Jack loves you…and he knows you love him." she whispered.

Hotch looked down at his lap. "Jessica comforted him…she's good for him. He needs that stability."

The tone in his voice had Garcia turning to him.

"You're his _father_ , _you're_ good for him, sir."

"But I'm never there..." Hotch shook his head slowly, his eyes distant.

"Because you're off catching the bad guys to make Jack's world a little safer. The guy you caught this time killed his wife in front of their own son. The son could have been next if you didn't do your job!"

"But now that son has no mother _or_ father…just like Jack."

"Jack _has_ a father." stressed Garcia wanting to shake and fiercely hug the man sitting next to her. The burden Hotch was carrying was too heavy and he was sinking under its weight right in front of her eyes.

"When Jessica called, she told me that it was okay, that she calmed him down and he went back to sleep…" Hotch turned his head to Garcia, his emotions open on his face.

"I don't have enough time, Garcia. How can I do this job and still be there for my son? He needed me and I wasn't there…again." Hotch's eyes turned back to his lap, then he sighed deeply, leaning his head against the back of the couch. Garcia copied him and they sat there for a while, the only sound their quiet breaths and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

"But when you are there, sir…you're his _world_."

She heard Hotch inhale softly.

"I lost both my parents in one shot." she continued. "They were out looking for me when that drunk driver..."

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "I didn't mean to remind you about that."

"It's okay. I just…some days I wish for one more moment with them. To tell them how much I love them…how much they did for me and how sorry I am…that if I didn't break my curfew…"

"You were young…" started Hotch, he turned his head to her, his eyes filled with a tired sadness.

Garcia looked at him, her eyes reflecting the same emotion.

"It doesn't matter…I would give _anything_ just to see their faces again."

A sad smile flicked across her face and she glanced around the room, her eyes falling on the photo of Jack that Hotch had returned to his desk. She quickly got up to get it, then returned to the couch handing the framed photo to Hotch.

Hotch stared at it. "The glass, its cracked." he frowned, feeling guilty for having knocked the photo to the floor.

Garcia chuckled softly. "You are too."

He glanced at her, confused.

Yawning, she looked at him, a twinkle in her eyes.

"You're Jack's cracked hero. You're not perfect, but when you're there… you're _everything_ to him. You have to believe that, sir…you have to…" she yawned again her eyes slowly closing.

Hotch slowly rubbed his fingers down the crack in the glass, a small smile gracing his lips. He looked over at his inimitable computer expert and friend; a yawn escaping him as he clutched the photo of his son to his chest and closed his eyes.

"Thank you, Garcia." he whispered.

_Then even quieter…_

"I'm looking forward to seeing your play."

oooooo

At 3:00 a.m. the door to Hotch's office slowly opened. Rossi, stood in the doorway, worried eyes scanning the mess in the room and landing on the couch where Hotch and Garcia were fast asleep; the Unit Chief's head resting on the Tech's shoulder, the framed photo of Jack clasped against his chest.

Rossi nodded in relief to himself and was closing the door when Garcia's eyes opened, he gave her a soft smile which she reciprocated.

"I'll let the others know he's okay." he whispered to her. "Thank you, Penelope."

Garcia glanced over at Hotch, happy that he was finally getting some rest and finding comfort that she could be there for him. She nodded at Rossi as sleep claimed her once more and she closed her eyes with a soft sigh.

Rossi slowly closed the door, his smile a little wider and his heart a little lighter.

He knew, as did the others it seemed that the turmoil of the case topped with the anniversary had weighed heavily on Hotch. Earlier, as Rossi sat on the side of his bed, sleep elusive because of the worry itching at him, he tried calling Hotch at home and when he got his voicemail, at work; another voicemail and another notch of worry. It was around this time that his phone started to ring with calls of concern from the rest of the team, they had tried calling Hotch as well. He had even heard from Jessica who sensed something in Hotch's voice that merited an early morning phone call to his friend and co-worker.

They were all worried about him; Morgan offering to go to Hotch's apartment and Rossi heading to the office to chastise his friend if he found him still hard at work.

What he found instead was an exhausted man admired by all who knew him and a friend by his side who was there to remind him that it was okay sometimes to let go, because it was in those moments when you realized that you wouldn't fall…

…when a friend was there to hold you up.

Rossi pulled out his phone as his footsteps echoed quietly through the darkened bullpen; he had some calls to make.

**The End.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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